At the shoe department I watched in horror as my daughter picked out a pair of strappy high-heeled sandals. They were very pretty and on-target from a fashion point of view but they were high-heels. (about an inch of so) I'm pretty careful about keeping my daughter as child like as possible for several reasons:
1) She's 6
2) I don't think she needs to grow up too quickly
3) I read somewhere that pedophiles look for girls who are overtly sexual. Signals for them are things like a) wearing high heels, b) having polished finger nails, c) wearing makeup
4) High heels put an extra 50 pounds of pressure on your feet for every 1/2 inch you go up. They also change the way you walk, even when you're barefoot.
so the high heels were a problem for me. But, I'd told her she could have anything she wanted. I was planning to use the shopping trip as a great opportunity to teach her to stay within a budget, plan for bigger purchases, and oh-so-much more great money wisdom. Well we all know how plans like that turn out...
As my daughter paraded up and down the aisle in said high heels feeling incredible happy with herself I tried to balance the importance of building her self-esteem by applauding her fashion choices with the fact that these shoes were ridiculous for a girl her age. So, I tried the practical tactic by asking "Where will you wear them? We're not going to any fancy parties." Without a beat my daughter said "To my spring concert." She had me there - she found the one place where she wore a nice dress and the shoes wouldn't look like she was staring in "Lolita".
I took a breath and decided that honesty was the best policy on this one. I told her I thought the shoes were ridiculous and completely impractical and that I would never buy them for her. But because I said she could use her money for anything she wanted in the store, I felt I had to keep my word and let her buy them. My daughter listened very nicely, grabbed her gift card, and walked out of the store proudly wearing her new shoes and planning the outfit she'd wear for the concert.
The dreaded shoes made a few appearances over the next two weeks but only for a quick walk around the backyard while she played tour guide and a few strolls around the house. But on concert day the shoes were there, front and center. They were the main attraction. My daughter had them on before she even knew what dress she was wearing. As my daughter debated between dress choice A and dress choice B she looked at herself in the mirror and sang. She was so happy that it made me stop what I was doing (getting dressed) to just look at her.
It struck me that I can't remember if I ever looked at myself in the mirror and felt like singing. While my daughter was celebrating her reflection I was thinking about those 5 or 10 pounds I want to lose, regretting my previous day's (or month's, or year's) food choices, and wishing I was something different than I am. My daughter was thrilled to be herself. It's a feeling I hope I can help her keep for a long, long time. It will be way too soon when she figures out that no matter who she is there will always be somebody judging her based on her looks. So, I guess I owe the shoes a debt of gratitude, they make her feel like she's gorgeous and they make her smile. I can't think of a single woman I know who couldn't use a little more of that.
I think I need to go shoe shopping. (And yes, I love, love, love high heels.)
